Friends and Lovers: Cultivating Companionship and

Friends and Lovers: Cultivating Companionship and
Intimacy in Marriage(Cruciform Press)
by Joel R. Beeke
I own a wood burning stove. When winter sets her teeth against us we light up our stove and it drives back the
cold. I have found that I need three kinds of wood to keep the fire hot. First, you need big logs that will burn long
and hot. Second, you need kindling, small twigs, to get the fire going. But third, you need medium size pieces to
help the big logs stay lit. If you end up with just a big log it will often go out.
Pastor Beeke’s book is a medium size log. He does not go into deep theological discussions about marriage. He
does unpack every possible inference from I Corinthians 7 or Leviticus 18. But this is also not a series of blog posts
that function like kindling. The book is only 93 pages long, but it is packed with practical insights into how to
make your wife your best friend and how to love her in the bedroom. You will not find all your practical or
theological questions answered. But reading and learning from this little book will keep the marriage fires burning.
I appreciated Pastor Beeke’s dignity in discussing matters which are often dealt with in a crass manner. Too often
young men, like me, who have been exposed to so much sexual sin, are not sure how to talk about the marriage
bed in a dignified way. He made his points without an in depth discussion of every deviant sexual practice.
He did a great job of emphasizing that marriage is for pleasure. Those who are jaded by our over sexed culture
often do not want to discuss sex in marriage as a delight. But he looks at Proverbs 5:18-19 to show that God
intended for the marriage bed to be a place of feasting and joy.
He was also very pastoral in tone. He navigates some tricky waters when discussing things like birth control and
the authority of one’s spouse over their body. I felt he did this with tact.
And he kept coming back to the grace of God to sinners as the key. Almost everyone in our generation has been
And he kept coming back to the grace of God to sinners as the key. Almost everyone in our generation has been
sinned against sexually and/or has sinned sexually. We have images of real women or on screen women in our
minds. Without God’s grace what hope is there for us in the marriage bed? But Pastor Beeke brings us back again
and again to the cross as the place to find forgiveness, but also the place where we can start obeying Christ, even
in our bedrooms.
For such a short book it is excellent.
|Como é seu estilo, Joel Beeke juntou verdades preciosas da Escritura com muitas aplicações e conselhos práticos
relevantes (em grande parte extraídos dos Puritanos) sobre a custosa, mas imprescindível amizade que deve haver
no casamento e a consequente vida de intimidade sexual do casal. Muito bom!|This quick and deep read shows
how thru marriage the Glory of God is revealed. Marriage is important to God and thru the pages of this insightful
book we can share with our spouse Jesus. Marriage is a shared life but to often it can be very lonely. As always the
christian life is about who Jesus is and how we respond. Same is true in the marriage. The book does not give
expectations that cannot be met but encouragement of what is true and to fix our eyes on that. I was very
encouraged by Joel Beeke's statement that sex should communicate honor to person. He reminds us that love is
the essence of the law and true obedience to God means serving him with gladness. There can be idols in a
marriage and they are identified has the idol of perfect beauty, the idol of pleasure and the idol of preganancy.
None of these are bad in themselves but only when we are consumed by them instead of being consumed by our
creator. It can also cause division between our spouse. We can wind ourselves so tight that we cannot relax and
fear, anger and pride can take root. I am a big fan of www.cruciformpress.com and the books they publish. Always,
gospel centered and that is what Marriage is. I also was encouraged by the trinity compared to marriage.|These
108 pages are well worth the few hours it will take you to read this book. This was the first book I've read from
Beeke, and I subsequently added several more of his books to my list. I have not read lots of marriage books, but
of the ones I have read Beeke's is unique in addressing in-law relationships. Beeke's chapter on sex in marriage is
also helpful in addressing the question of "Can We _ _ _ _ _ _ _?" Beeke writes with you unique pastoral wisdom
and care, and any Christian husband or wife would be helped by reading this book.|Um livrinho pequeno no
tamanho, mas grande no conteúdo.
Seguem algumas citações, a fim de estimular a leitura dos meus amigos aqui:
"Qualquer decisão que afete de forma significativa seu tempo ou dinheiro, ou que envolva uma grande mudança
na vida da família ou de aspectos relacionados à casa, ao trabalho ou à igreja deve ser tomada somente após
marido e mulher terem conversado sobre isso, orado juntos e chegado a um ponto em que haja harmonia sobre o
assunto. Embora o marido seja o chefe da família, um homem piedoso não deve - salvo em raras exceções liderar sua família de modo a ir contra os desejos de sua esposa piedosa" (p. 32).
"A comunhão espiritual é impossível, a menos que Cristo esteja vivo nas duas pessoas do casal [...] Se você é um
cristão solteiro, não comece um relacionamento amoroso com uma pessoa que não ame o Senhor Jesus Cristo e
não esteja caminhando com Deus" (pp. 33-34).
"O evangelho de Cristo nos incentiva a desfrutar do sexo como uma paixão santificada. O evangelho ao qual me
refiro é a boa-nova de que o Filho de Deus morreu pelos pecadores, recebendo o castigo que eles mereciam, e
depois ressuscitou dos mortos, oferecendo vida eterna a todos que se arrependerem de seus pecados e crerem
apenas nele. O evangelho oferece a todas as pessoas, sejam solteiras ou casadas, alegria presente e bênção futura
além da nossa mais insondável imaginação. Mas no que se refere a pessoas casadas, o evangelho também as
motiva a fazer amor de forma santificada" (p. 55).
"No pensamento bíblico, a paixão e a pureza caminham juntas. O sexo se torna a coroação bela e nobre de um
casamento piedoso" (p. 59).
"A intimidade sexual geralmente anda de mãos dadas com a geração de filhos. Tendo criado o homem e a mulher
à sua própria imagem, Deus disse: 'Frutificai e multiplicai-vos' (Gn 1.27,28). Se realmente vemos os seres humanos
como portadores da imagem de Deus, nosso desejo será vê-los se multiplicaram por toda Terra. Se você busca
desfrutar de intimidade sexual com seu cônjuge, mas, ao mesmo tempo, despreza a ideia de ter filhos, então está
como portadores da imagem de Deus, nosso desejo será vê-los se multiplicaram por toda Terra. Se você busca
desfrutar de intimidade sexual com seu cônjuge, mas, ao mesmo tempo, despreza a ideia de ter filhos, então está
separando o que Deus uniu" (p. 67).
"A frase 'você não está satisfazendo as minhas necessidades' tem sido usada como tentativa de justificar o fim de
muitos casamentos. Por trás de tudo isso está o orgulho, a arrogância que diz: 'Tenho direito a um certo tipo de
cônjuge ou a uma certa dose de prazer e satisfação sexual'. Você não tem direito a nada, exceto o de ser julgado
por seus pecados" (p. 98).