with HIV - Seventh-day Adventist Kinship International, Inc.

The Journal of Seventh-day Adventist Kinship International, Inc. April 2005 Vol. 29 No. 4
Living
with HIV
I
met Ronnie in the summer of 1986. We built a foundation of friendship
before we became lovers almost four years later. We made a decision to
have an HIV test at the beginning of our sexual relationship and found
out on March 28, 1990 that we were both HIV positive…
KINSHIP BOARD
President: Bob Bouchard
Vice President: Taylor Ruhl
Secretary: Bruce Harlow
Treasurer: Karen Wetherell
Connection Editor: Catherine
Taylor
Marketing & PR Webmaster: Robb
Crouch, Dave Gilsdorf
Church Liaison: Leif Lind
Womyn’s Coordinator: Yolanda
Elliott
Kampmeeting 2004 Coordinator:
Isis Montalvo
BOARD MEMBERS AT LARGE
KinNet Coordinator: Floyd Poenitz
Office Manager/Member Services:
Fred Casey
Diversity Issues: Elena
Thomas-Blough
Transgender Issues: Sandra
Hoffecker
EXECUTIVE COMMITTEE
Bob Bouchard, Taylor Ruhl, Bruce
Harlow, Karen Wetherell,
Samuel Pang, Catherine Taylor
REGIONAL COORDINATORS–USA
Region 1 (PA, NJ, NY, CT, RI,
MA,VT, NH, ME) Catherine
Taylor 802-885-6050
[email protected]
Region 2 (WV, VA, NC, DE,
MD,DC) Yolanda Elliot
410-531-5382
[email protected]
Region 3 (TN, AL, MS, GA, SC, FL)
Brenda McColpin N2pepsi@aol
Region 4 (MN, IA, MO, WI, IL,
MI,IN, KY,OH) Darin Olson
612-870-8199 [email protected]
Region 5 (TX, OK, KS, AR, LA)
Floyd Poenitz 972-416-1358
[email protected]
Region 6 (ND, SD, CO, NE,
WY,UT, NM) Robb Crouch
402-438-0883
[email protected]
Region 7 (AK, WA, OR ID, MT)
Betty Hale 503-794-0110
[email protected]
Region 8 (No. CA, NV HI) Elena
Thomas-Blough 480-272-7168
[email protected]
2
Who we are...
Seventh-day Adventist Kinship International, Inc. (Kinship) is a
non-profit support organization which ministers to the spiritual,
emotional, social, and physical well-being of Seventh-day
Adventist lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgendered, and intersex
individuals and their families and friends. Kinship facilitates and
promotes the understanding and affirmation of LGBTI Adventists
among themselves and within the Seventh-day Adventist
community through education, advocacy, and reconciliation.
Kinship is an organization which supports the advance of human
rights for all people.
Founded in 1976, the organization was incorporated in 1981
and is recognized as a 501(c)(3) non-profit organization in the US.
Kinship has a board of up to 15 officers and 13 regional
coordinators. The current list of members and friends includes
several thousand people in 43 countries.
SDA Kinship believes the Bible does not condemn, or even
mention, homosexuality as a sexual orientation. Ellen G. White
does not parallel any of the Bible texts, which are often used to
condemn homosexuals. Most of the anguish imposed upon God’s
children who grow up as LGBT has its roots in a misunderstanding
of what the Bible says.
Support Kinship
Kinship operates solely on contributions from its members and
friends. Help us reach out to more LGBT Adventists by making a
tax-deductible donation to SDA Kinship International. Please send
your check or money order to the address below. (You can also
donate, using your Visa or Master Card, by contacting Karen
Wetherell at [email protected]. She will phone you so that
you can give your credit card information in a safe manner.)
SDA Kinship, P.O. Box 49375, Sarasota, FL 34230-6375, or call
toll-free in the U.S. 866-732-5677 or toll from outside the U.S. 01
(941) 371-7606, or visit SDA Kinship’s Web Site at:
www.sdakinship.org
Region 9 (So. CA, AZ) Bruce Boyd
818-708-7448
[email protected]
Michelle Cornwell
760-320-1853
[email protected]
AFFILIATED INTERNATIONAL
REGION COORDINATORS
Australia: Noel Thorpe
[email protected]
Brazil: Itamar Matos de Souza
[email protected]
Canada: Brent Lehmann
[email protected]
Europe: Ruud Kieboom
[email protected]
Germany: Roy Ratzer
[email protected]
Central & South America:
Alexander Gomez Pasco
[email protected]
Philippines: Jonathan Coo
+63921-217-2617
[email protected]
Uganda: Joseph Brown
[email protected]
OTHER COORDINATORS
Intersexed: Carolyn Parsons
425-917-0842
[email protected]
Transgender/Transexual: Sandra
Hoffecker [email protected]
Older Adult: Ren Reynolds
[email protected]
Living with HIV
Carl Williams – Pennsylvania USA
I met Ronnie in the summer of
1986. We built a foundation of
friendship before we became lovers
almost four years later. We made a
decision to have an HIV test at the
beginning of our sexual relationship
and found out on March 28, 1990
that we were both HIV positive. The
doctor told us there was not a wide
variety of medicines available to fight
the virus. The most commonly used
medication at the time was a blue
and white pill called AZT. The side
effects were a nuisance. Ronnie and I
would have bouts of diarrhea and
nausea. It would make anyone not
want to take the medication.
I didn’t like the side effects of the
medication but I continued to take them. Ronnie
became discouraged and depressed about being HIV
positive and over losing his job. He became addicted to
crack cocaine and would be gone for days at a time
living in the crack houses. Eventually the drug use took
such a toll on Ronnie’s health that he became resistant
to the HIV medications. I really loved Ronnie and I
grieved as his hospital stays became longer and longer.
The final time Ronnie was in the hospital, he was
having several seizures every day. His heart would stop
beating and would have to be restarted. Because crack
cocaine use causes cardiac weakness, every time his
heart stopped it took longer and longer to restart.
On June 30, 1992, Ronnie’s mom, with whom I had
a very close and loving relationship, called me and told
me that my beloved partner had passed away. I grieved
deeply the loss of my lover and best friend. His brothers
and I comforted each other. I thank God for the love
and support from his family.
I could not look for comfort from my family about
my HIV and Ronnie’s death. My dad was having his
own issues dealing with both his coming out journey
and his son being gay. My mother is one of those
devout Seventh-Day Adventists that doesn’t approve of
my orientation. I am sure she would not be pleased at
all if she knew I was HIV positive. My parents and
siblings still do not know my health status. I’ve only
shared it with my closest friends, and now of course,
you.
I pray every day that my parents will not have to bury
me. No parent should have to bury their child. Even
though my mom does not approve of my lifestyle, it
would break her heart if I should pass away. It breaks
my heart that my mom will not come
to visit me. She will only arrive on my
doorstep when I live alone and am not
in a same sex relationship. I understand
my mom’s pain because my dad kept
his sexuality hidden from her for years.
In 1996 my parents divorced after 38
years of marriage. I asked my mom
how come she stayed with my dad so
long. She said she did it for us, and
that she did not want us to grow up
without seeing our father. I really want
to tell my parents and my siblings
about my health status, but I am afraid
of being rejected.
It is also hard dating as a man who
lives with HIV. I don’t like to be
rejected; no one does. I have been on
plenty of dates in hope of finding Mr. Right. When I
would tell dates about my health status, I would never
hear from them again. I met this handsome fella named
Les. We were attracted to each other. I confided in
someone who I thought I could trust. He told another
person that I was HIV positive. It seems like that person
could not wait to tell Les about my health status when I
felt that it was my place to tell him. I now know I will
never share any personal information with that
acquaintance.
I have a dear person in my life named Aaron. We met
on a camping trip with Men of Color in 1993. During
one Gay Pride Day in Philadelphia, we were sitting
down to have lunch when I pulled out my HIV
medication and Aaron pulled out his. We were both
trying to hide our pills when they rolled onto the table.
We looked at each other and had an uncontrollable fit
of laughter.
I now have a wonderful lover, friend, and confidant
named Doug. We met on a website called single me. I
looked at his ad numerous times and finally got the
nerve to answer it. We hit it off very well on our first
date, where I was quite relieved to learn that he is also
HIV positive. We now talk about many things and we
have a lot in common. It’s a pleasure for me that he
loves my cooking. After years of dating people who
had substance abuse problems it is also a relief for me
that Doug is serious about being a recovering
alcoholic. I love him dearly. We are working on
applying for domestic partnership.
Continued on page 4.
3
Exercise and Mental Health
John R. Edwards, M.S.W., R.S.W.- British Columbia, Canada
We’ve all watched this scene in
the movies or on TV: A woman
(let’s call her Jill) and a man, (let’s
call him Jack) have an argument.
Jack leaves (usually storms out)
and goes to play a sport activity
with male friends (usually
basketball). Jill goes to the
refrigerator and gets ice cream and
sits on the couch and cries while
eating ice cream or calls a female
friend and cries while talking with
her friend and eating ice cream.
Later scene shows Jack and Jill
together but Jill is still upset but
Jack no longer seems to be upset.
Why does Jill still appear upset and
Jack not upset? Well, apart from
moving the plot along in the
movie or TV show, I think it’s
because Jack went out and
exercised and Jill did not. Of
course, this is all the stuff of
movies and TV shows and it would
be nice to see a version that
includes either lesbians (Beth and
Sue) who get into an argument or
Beth leaves (storms out) to chop
some wood and Sue sits on the
couch with some tea and cookies.
Another scenario could be Scott
and Tom have an argument and
Scott leaves (storms out) and goes
to the gym with Tom staying
behind and decides to finish off
the chocolate cake. In the real
world research has shown that
exercise is beneficial to your
mental health, especially if you
suffer from the anxiety and
depression that can often result
from unresolved interpersonal
conflicts.
Anxiety is usually described
using both physiological and
psychological symptoms.
Common psychological symptoms
include worry, tension, and
uneasiness without knowing the
cause/event or the uneasiness is
disproportionately high to the
actual cause/event. Physiological
symptoms often include jitters,
sweating, heart racing dizziness
and diarrhea.
Research has shown that aerobic
exercise such as running or
swimming reduces anxiety.
Anaerobic exercise or resistance
exercise does not appear to have as
References:
Carl Williams included this web site for those of you who would like more
information about working to end the HIV epidemic:
AIDS Fact Sheet: Stopping the Spread of HIV
http://www.aids.org/factSheets/150-Stopping-the-Spread-of-HIV.html
John Edwards’ website is:
http://professionalsocialwork.com
His email is [email protected]
4
great an effect in reducing anxiety.
The best results seem to come from
aerobic exercise that is done for at
least 10 weeks and the results get
even better after 15 weeks. Even if
you’re not an anxiety ridden
person, exercise helps you to cope
with everyday anxieties such as
working for an obnoxious boss. In
addition, one does not have to
obtain optimum physical fitness for
the benefits of exercise to kick in
when it comes to anxiety. Even a
single bout of aerobic exercise can
reduce anxiety.
Depression is pretty common in
our society today although still
behind anxiety. Depression is
usually described emotionally as
feeling blue, sad,
down-in-the-dumps, unhappy,
hopeless along with physiological
symptoms such as loss of appetite,
too much sleep or too little sleep
and lethargy. According to
research both aerobic and
anaerobic exercise can get you out
of a depressed state. Unlike
anxiety, a single bout of exercise
does not seem to have the same
Living with HIV continued…
I have a wonderful intentional
family. I affectionately call Nancie
“mama”. I also have a “poppa”,
whose name is John, and a
nephew named Tyler. I consider
Shannon and Kevin my sister and
brother. Pearlie Mae and Poopsie
are dear friends. And last month
you read about my biological
father and his partner “Papa Mike.”
HIV is not a death sentence.
March 28th, 2005, was the 15th
anniversary of my knowing that I
live with HIV. I am truly blessed. I
thank my HIV doctor, David V.
Condoluci and his staff for their
wonderful care.
God Bless you all. !
effect at alleviating depression. A
consistent program of higher
intensity exercise that occurred
more days during a week and over
a longer period, nine or more
weeks, seems to work best in
reducing depression. One Duke
University study that occurred over
4 months with depressed persons
showed that 60% of the
participants who did not exercise
but took medication instead
overcame their depression.
Interestingly, 60% of the
participants in the same study who
exercised 3 times per week but did
not take medication also overcame
their depression. It also appears
that those who regularly exercise
are less likely to get depressed
when compared to those who do
not regularly exercise throughout
their life span.
Of course, like much of life, too
much of a good thing can be bad.
In this case, too much exercise or
exercise abuse is bad. Mental
health professionals initially saw
this condition in runners and used
to refer to exercise abuse by names
such as exercise addiction, exercise
dependency syndrome and activity
anorexia. Symptoms of exercise
abuse include the following:
a)
Exercising while injured.
Usually the person refuses to
rest/not exercise to allow time
for their injury to heal. Many
times this person is caught in
emotional fears such as getting
fat, looking small, losing status
as a fitness king/queen or
appearing weak. Often this
person will compare themselves
to a major sports figure and say
that Andy Roddick or Serena
Williams play with an injury. Of
course, major sports figures get
paid millions of dollars and
have a team of medical experts
on demand prior to, during and
after games.
b) Too much reliance on exercise.
In this case, exercise becomes
the sole means of coping. So
Jack leaves Jill to go play
basketball or run each time he
has a conflict with Jill. He no
longer discusses problems with
her. Usually the tolerance to
exercise builds and the person
finds her/himself making
exercise the primary priority over
other daily responsibilities such
as family, friends and work.
c) Withdrawal symptoms. Like
substance abusers, an external
event usually causes the exercise
abuser to stop. In this case, it is
usually an injury so severe the
person is physically unable to
exercise. At this point the
exercise abuser begins to
experience symptoms such as
sleeplessness/change in sleep
patterns, mood swings, inability
to concentrate, muscle stiffness
and soreness and distorted
self-image such as looking fat or
too small.
Other areas of mental health,
such as positive mood, self-esteem
and restful sleep are being studied
by researchers and the results are
promising. The research has shown
that self-esteem and restful sleep
both are positively affected by
exercise. In other words, exercise
can improve self-esteem. There are
several stages of sleep with stages
3 and 4 being most restful and
those who exercise regularly and
are physically fit get more of this
type of sleep. However, more
research needs to be done to
determine how exercise can
improve positive mood as opposed
to a reduction in negative states
like anxiety and depression.
Of course, if your anxiety or
depression has significantly
impaired your ability to function or
you’re just not yourself as a result
of anxiety or depression, consult
your doctor or a mental health
professional. Often medical
conditions can cause symptoms
similar to anxiety and depression.
In conclusion, most researchers
are now comfortable saying that
there is a positive link/relationship
between exercise and mental
health, especially if you’re anxious
or depressed. Clinical psychologist
Eliezer Margoles recommends that
we take a positive approach to
exercise instead of a punitive one.
We should bask in our abilities to
be in our bodies. I recommend that
if you want to have a donut or ice
cream, go ahead but don’t make
an extra 10 push ups or an extra 10
minutes of jogging the
“punishment” for the donut or ice
cream. Simply enjoy both with
moderation of course.
!
John Edwards is a clinical social
worker and psychotherapist in
Vancouver. He has a Master’s
Degree in Social Work with a
concentration in Health and Mental
Health, A Two Year Post Masters
Certificate in Advanced Clinical
Social Work with a concentration in
Individual Therapy. He is a
Registered Social Worker with the
British Columbia Association of
Social Workers.
This article was prepared after
review of articles by Daniel M.
Landers of Arizona State University,
Jennifer C. Panning in Mental
Health Benefits of Exercise and an
Exercise and Mental health fact
sheet provided by University of
Cincinnati Psychological Services
Center.
5
A Visit to New York
6
Serving You: The Kinship Board Spring Meeting
Somehow you trust us with your hope, your prayers and the utilization of your offerings. We are blessed by that and
by the opportunity to do the various projects in which we participate. This Connection issue we want to take some
time and space to share the reports of the work of the board members.
President’s Report: Bob Bouchard
In February I
went to Holland
to meet with
Dutch Adventist
Union officials
and to have a
Kinship
meeting. Ruud
and I met with
the Union president, youth leader
and Sabbath school secretary. They
are open and understanding, while
still working under Church
constraints. I met with IMRU
leaders on the phone (Eric, Jeremy,
Naveen and Suzy). They are
getting IMRU back in functioning
form and will be able to welcome
new young folk inquiring about
Kinship. I will be leaving for
Australia in early April. Noel has
scheduled Kinship meetings for me
in Brisbane, Sydney and
Melbourne. I am looking forward
to spending 8-10 days with Noel
to discuss Kinship down under. I
spoke to Jim Chilson who is now
working on future Kampmeeting
sites. I have spoken with Dave and
we spoke with Andrew at the last
board meeting about grant
writing. This needs to be focused
on in the next number of weeks.
The video by parents of gay and
lesbian children has been finalized.
Carrol Grady has moved ahead
with the reprinting of her book that
tells the story of her son’s coming
out. She has included an epilogue
that tells of the changes in her own
understanding. Vince and I hosted
a Kinship meeting in New York on
February 26. Fourteen people were
here. Went well (ask Karen and
Catherine who were both in
attendance), though we were a
little snug in our one bedroom
apartment. I have become our
Religious Roundtable
representative. The next meeting is
in mid April which is right after I
get back from Australia. I’m not
sure I can attend, but will know
shortly. In any event there will be
an authorized person attending. I
have spoken with seven or eight
people who called up to find out
more about Kinship. My
miscellaneous duties include
signing checks, chatting with
board members about various
issues over the weeks, and try to
periodically let Fred know that he
is appreciated!
Kinnet: Floyd Poenitz
As a
member-at-large
I have the
general
responsibility of
KinNet and
online member
services. Since
the registration
and adding of
new members now falls in the
responsibility of the office (Fred), I
am not current with how many
new members we have or how
many we have waiting to join
KinNet. I know that Fred has sent
out the packets to a slew of new
members fairly recently and they
are waiting to be added to KinNet.
He will probably have more figures
available in his report. My task with
KinNet is to moderate the
conversations online, stimulate
new topics and ideas and make
sure that everyone feels connected
to each other and the organization.
Most recently I started a discussion
on the 27 fundamental beliefs of
the SDA church and we are going
through them one by one.
Currently I am aware of no
concerns or issues on KinNet. The
KOL site has not been updated
recently. I see that site as a
depository for resources and
information. I try to list upcoming
events and meetings (but I haven't
heard much about chapter activity
lately) and I list the birthdays. The
birthday listing has been blank for
several months now. I'm waiting
to get a copy of the master
database from Fred so that I can
post correct and updated birthdays.
After sending out a request to
update their information for the
database to all members with email
addresses, I (and in turn Fred who
had to DO the updates in the
database) got swamped with
replies. I guess that is a good
"problem", but it has also put Fred
behind in his office work. I think it
is important to have the most
current and correct data in the
database. Emailing those with
email addresses was the first step in
this process. The next step (once
the first corrections were made), is
to contact those for whom we
don't have an email address and
verify the info we have and find
out if they possibly do have email
access. I continue to have personal
correspondence with folks around
the world who want to have
someone who is gay and SDA to
talk to, but aren't necessarily ready
to be out enough to join Kinship
or have their name on a database.
Continued on page 8.
7
Kinship Womyn: Yolanda Elliot
Jan Radcliffe
has said she is
willing to edit
our Lavender
Letters project.
I will mail her
our
publishing
program.
Womyn’s
weekend is
still in the planning phase. We
know we will be in St. Louis at the
Drury Inn Hotel from July 8-10
(and beyond for those staying for
Kampmeeting). Some possible
activities include: a riverboat trip, a
visit to the butterfly house and a
free gospel concert on Friday
evening at a park downtown.
Kinship’s Older Adult Program:
Ren Reynolds and Yolanda Elliot
Ren and I have
collected
information on
the Weimar
Institute Healthy
Cookbook and
Ren has written
a letter that is to
be added to the
mailing of that
cookbook. We would like to
recommend ordering directly from
Pickle Publishing because we will
get a 20% discount if we order
from the publisher. That comes to
$16 per book. Ren has collated
and sent the mailing list to
Communications/Public Relations:
Robb Crouch
Completed projects
Online
giving was
added to the
Kinship Web
site. This site is
hosted on a
separate secure
server. All donor
information and
8
credit card information is stored on
a secure server for the treasurer's
access. Our next steps will be to let
the Kinship community know
about this opportunity. We will
prepare an e-mail announcement
to those for whom we only have
e-mail addresses. We wrote and
managed the letters that went out
at the end of the year letting
people know the ways they could
support Kinship ministries. A
directory of our Board members
was added to the Kinship Web site.
We are in the process of collecting
short sixty word bios for each
board member. We recently printed
2,000 pieces of letterhead and note
cards for the Kinship office with a
slight update to the letterhead to
make the logo more prominent on
the sheet. We just finished
incorporating the Netherlands web
pages into our site. The Dutch
Kinship web site was previously
hosted on Ruud Kieboom’s
personal web pages. We have
added a "friends of Kinship" page
that links to
http://www.someone-to-talk-to.net
and http://www.heartstrong.org
Projects in Process
We are updating and reprinting
the Kinship brochure Nothing in
the World is Quite like Growing
up Adventist and then Realizing
you are Gay
We are designing and preparing
to print a general flier for broader
audience distribution with contact
information for Kinship, PFLAG,
Someone To Talk To and
HeartStrong. We are updating the
Kinship HIV/AIDS Quilt
information brochure. We are
designing and preparing to order
Kinship 15-month calendars
magnets for membership gifts
We are designing and preparing
to print Kinship business and
contact cards. We are updating
and preparing to print the "I think I
might be Gay" brochure for
distribution to gay men. We are
working to add member photos
and stories to web site
!
9
Kinship Financial Statements
INCOME STATEMENT
Jan - Dec 04
Ordinary Income/Expense
Income
Donation Income
Kinship Boutique
Program Fees
Total Income
Expense +
Advertising
Bank Service Charges
Campus Outreach
Connection
Office supplies
Postage
Printing
Total Connection
General
Miscellaneous
Office Supplies
PO Box rental
Postage
Telephone
Web Page
Total General
Insurance
Liability Insurance
Total Insurance
Licenses and Permits
Professional Fees
Accounting
Consulting
Merrill Lynch Management Fee
Total Professional Fees
Program Expense
Boardmeeting
Book Inreach
Kampmeeting
Supplies
Womyn's Weekend
Total Program Expense
Regional
Dinner
Mini-KM
Miscellaneous
Postage
Total Regional
Support to Members
Travel
Uncategorized Expenses
Womyn's Outreach
Postage
Printing
Total Womyn's Outreach
Total Expense
ASSETS
Current Assets
78,217.71
Checking/Savings
346.00
General Operating Accounts
31,952.00
Banknorth
110,515.71
BofA Checking 01629-15266
BofA Money Market 01623-03723
780.00
Total General Operating Accounts
2,236.16
9,290.00
629.06
9,177.69
15,133.59
24,940.34
2,490.00
4,859.47
126.00
2,288.82
1,202.55
826.22
826.22
20.00
1,000.00
5,067.80
636.07
6,703.87
2,262.30
5,378.25
41,915.00
1,411.27
4,130.71
55,097.53
Other Current Assets
Endowment Fund Accounts
B of A Investments
Time Deposits
CD# 01620-04382
Total Time Deposits
Total B of A Investments
6,174.75
821.80
268.17
143.92
412.09
124,051.25
129.09
555.45
282.20
502.00
12,584.69
14,053.43
0.00
0.00
14,053.43
517.89
Dec 31, 04
24,290.27
711.34
6,187.74
31,189.35
31,189.35
235.00
235.00
25,328.29
25,328.29
25,328.29
Merrill Lynch
AIM Small Cap Equity (SMEAX)
12,412.77
Amer Centy Equity (TWEJX)
11,523.21
American Growth (AGTHX)
30,128.10
American Washington Mut (AWSHX) 34,367.16
Cash Accoun
65.38
Eaton Vance Floating (EVBLX)
8,384.67
Rydex Juno Fund (RYJUX)
1,977.11
Thornburg Intl Value (TGVAX)
18,416.83
Total Merrill Lynch
117,275.23
Total Endowment Fund Accounts
142,603.52
Total Other Current Assets
142,603.52
Total Current Assets
174,027.87
TOTAL ASSETS
174,027.87
LIABILITIES & EQUITY
Equity
Opening Bal Equity
Retained Earnings
Net Income
700.00
Total Equity
-13,535.54
Net Income
Accounts Receivable
Loan
Total Accounts Receivable
1,036.96
2,813.89
554.04
138.49
4,543.38
Other Income/Expense •
Other Income
Dividends
Interest Income
Mutual Fund Reinvestment
Other Income
Unrealized Gain/(Loss)
Total Other Income
Net Other Income
Total Checking/Savings
538.27
11,505.11
Net Ordinary Income
Other Expense
Transfers
Total Other Expense
BALANCE SHEET
TOTAL LIABILITIES & EQUITY
19,431.91
154,078.07
517.89
174,027.87
174,027.87
Kinship News
Australia: Noel Thorpe
www.KinshipAu
stralia.com
We are
awaiting Bob
Bouchard's trip
to Australia in
April. Bob has
said that it will
be his first trip to
our continent.
Meetings for Kinship folk have
been arranged for three states on
the east coast. The Metropolitan
Community Churches have been
kind enough to let us utilize their
facilities for a meeting in two
states. Bob's trip will be very full to
say the least. If he would like, Bob
and even visit Steve Irwin’s
Australia Zoo. This is just 10
minutes from my place by car. Of
course no trip to Australia would
be complete without seeing
Sydney Harbor, the bridge and
opera house. Kinship Australia was
present at the Sydney Mardi Gras
Fair Day in February. This is very
successful way to let people know
of Kinship. Fifty thousand people
visited the fair on Sunday. Our
meeting on February 6 was entitled
Suicide and Happiness. One of the
questions that came up was “Does
God want us to be Happy?”.
Fortunately,.. most people thought
that He does want us to be happy,
healthy and build the good
relationships that make our life
fulfilling.
Brazil: Itamar Matos
In January I was on vacation.
Then I went to São Paulo where I
met the Kinship members who are
gathering there. I attended one
meeting, led by Cristiano Valério.
This group meets regularly in a
room rented in downtown São
Paulo, on Sunday afternoons. On
Sunday night they gather with
people from other Christian
denominations. I went to Rio de
Janeiro and went to the Seminar of
Implantation of Metropolitan
Community Churches with Rev.
Darlene Garner. I went to Porto
Alegre, in the south of Brazil, to
participate in the World Social
Forum on January 26-31. Because
Brasilia was having Carnival, I
traveled to a near-by area where it
is easy to rest. Alto Paraiso is in the
state of Goias. You can read about
it at http://www.altoparaiso.com/pt
/ and
http://www.chapada.com/portugue
s/altoparaiso.htm.
You can see some pictures of my
vacations in
http://fellowdfbr.multiply.com/ .
After all this resting I returned to
the work and I found a lot to be
done.
God bless you.
Europe: Ruud Kieboom
kinship@xsforall.
nl
From February
12-16 Bob
Bouchard was in
Holland for a
business trip and
took the
opportunity to
visit Ruud and Kees and to meet
with some of our Kinship family in
Europe. During his visit pastor
Gerard Frenk and Ruud managed
to arrange a meeting with Dutch
church leaders including the
president of the Dutch Seventh Day
Adventist Church, pastor Reinder
Bruinsma, and the leader of the
youth department, Jeroen Tuinstra.
Gerard is also a Dutch church
leader. The board showed much
interest in Kinship's outreach to
gay and lesbian people. The
president honestly expressed his
lack of knowledge about what it
means to be gay. Bob told them
about Kinship's history, its contacts
with the church over the last 25
years, and the work Kinship does
now. Ruud told President
Bruinsma that he is willing to have
more of a discussion with him
about what it is like to live as a gay
Seventh Day Adventist. The board
showed interest in the video which
has interviewed the families of gay
and lesbian Adventists that was
recently completed in the U.S. The
church leaders said that they would
like to buy copies of this video and
have them subtitled in Dutch, so
that congregations can use the
video during meetings. There are
also ideas of making a Dutch
version of the video on which
Dutch gays and lesbians are
interviewed. The meeting was
open and friendly. We went to
dinner together afterwards.
Germany: Roy Raetzer
[email protected]
We are looking forward to our
spring meeting that will be held in
Erfurt from April 22 to 24. Right
now it looks like ten or eleven
people will be attending.
Philippines: Jonathan Coo
[email protected]
We are planning on putting a
longer story about Larry and Joc’s
visit. I am awaiting photos and am
looking forward to sharing more
with you all in May.
Uganda: Joseph Brown
[email protected]
We are almost ready for our first
African Kampmeeting!! For us it is
like the title of Nelson Mandela’s
book, A Long Walk to Freedom.
We also feel like something else
Mandela once said, “Never in my
history have I thought about
having this kind of togetherness.”
We are very happy that a guest
speaker is coming all the way from
the United States to be with us.
Africa is the Land of the Sun. So
things depend on the Mood.
United Kingdom: Mike Lewis
Kinship-uk@scotm
agic.co.uk
Plans for the
4th European
Kampmeeting are
well underway.
The main speakers
have been
booked,
enrollments are already starting to
come in and there is a hint of
excitement within Kinship about
this gathering together in
11
September. Here in the UK there
will likely be opposition from the
more conservative side of the
Church (so what's new?), but there
is also a suggestion of openness
and encouragement for dialog.
One speaker told some of his
fellow pastors that he had been
invited to speak. "You're surely not
going are you?” was one response.
Others said "Good on you; you
should go". He is looking forward
to being part of the weekend.
Right now there are more positive
signs than negative. I am
encouraged! Please pray for the
success of this meeting and plan to
come and be part of it. Bookings
for the meeting and the holiday
extension are being taken now.
US Region 1: Catherine Taylor
[email protected]
On April 9, at 3PM, we would
like to invite you to join us at
David T’s house in Springfield,
MA. You can get directions by
writing to him at
[email protected] or to
Catherine. We are planning a
spring walk, potluck supper,
vespers, and board games in the
evening. We are looking forward
to seeing you! We would also like
to invite you to join us with
Region 2 at the Rehoboth Beach
Mini-Kampmeeting on May
13-15th. You can get information
by contacting Yolanda. The
wondrous Bruce and Eddie have
said they are willing to be our
touchstones for the NYC Gay Pride
March on Sunday, June 26th. They
report some of the other events of
the week include: the AIDS benefit
-- Broadway Bares (a fun strip
show, comedy, vaudeville,
whatever, with the chorus boys and
girls and some of the stars from the
B'way stage). It's Sunday, June 19
-- the week before the Pride March.
The NYC Gay Men’s Chorus is
usually sometime in between. They
will send us info as the time gets
nearer
US Region 2: Yolanda Elliot
[email protected]
This month, we had our annual
12
March dinner at the Dupont Italian
Kitchen. The food was very good
and it was a great evening spent
with our Kinship family. We also
provided a hot meal for the
homeless men who are a part of
the Winter Haven program. This
wonderful program is shared by 18
churches in our area. Groups take
turns staffing an overnight shelter
and cooking a hot dinner,
breakfast and bag lunch during the
coldest months of the year. The
Oaklands Presbyterian Church
allows our group to use its
sanctuary every month for our
vespers. They are also one of the
Winter Haven participating
members. We try to give back just
a little for the hospitality that the
church shows us by providing one
of the hot meals for the men. It is a
really nice experience and the men
are really very grateful for
everything that is done for them.
We are in the process of finalizing
plans for Mini-Kampmeeting. To
register you can contact me at
[email protected].
Mountains. The weekend will
begin with supper on Friday
evening, May 13, and end with
lunch on Sunday, May 15. Cost of
the entire weekend retreat,
including food and lodging, is
$100 per person. Call Elena
Thomas, Region 8 Coordinator, at
(408) 247-0512 to secure your
reservation now, or if you have
specific questions. If you are a
Kinship member living in Region
8 (Northern California, Nevada,
and Hawaii) and are not currently
receiving the Region 8 News &
Views by email, please contact
Jacquie Hegarty, Editor, at
[email protected].
US Region 9: Bruce Boyd
[email protected]
Kinship board meeting was held
at the home of two Region Nine
members March 4 through 6. All
Region Nine members were invited
for dinner on Sabbath, March 5. A
sizeable number came and spent a
pleasantly social afternoon with the
Board members. We all thank the
parents of Fred Casey for the
US REGION 5: Floyd Poenitz
[email protected]
There is a Yahoo email group
that gets used somewhat for
communication between members
who choose to be a part of it. I've
posted numerous times asking if
anyone wants to have a meeting
and get together, but there is no
response. I don't see that as a bad
thing. Just that folks in this area
don't have a need to get together
more than they already do. Several
"core" Kinship folks see each other
regularly at church, dancing at the
bars, or at informal brunches.
US Region 8: Elena Thomas
In April, the monthly regional
meeting will be a dinner party held
in San Mateo at Carol and Chris'
place on Saturday, April 16, at
3:00 p.m. Dinner may be followed
by a game night if there is enough
interest, so bring your favorite table
game, just in case. Save the dates
of May 13-15 for Region 8
Mini-Kampmeeting at the Koinonia
Campground in the Santa Cruz
wonderful food and service that
they provided during the weekend.
IMRU? Update!
In about a month's time, we
have had 12 new members join IM
RU? which includes some IM RU?
veterans bringing our group to 60
members! The group has
experienced a renewed energy and
it can be witnessed by the fact that
we are heading to the 2nd busiest
month in the past! Any current
Kinship members, who fit into this
sub-group and are interested in
checking us out, please do not
hesitate to contact us at
[email protected]! (Also
please refer anyone that you think
might benefit from the group!) We
are looking forward to having a
good turnout at the upcoming
Kampmeeting (not to mention
somewhat of an active role!).
We hope to see you all there!
Jeremy T. Brown
IM RU? Membership
Co-coordinator
Note: IM RU? is Kinship’s
On-line group for members under
30.
Someone to Talk To: Carrol Grady
A mother who lives in Canada
printed envelopes for all the pastors
and conference and union
personnel there. This past week I
sent each one a letter about my
ministry and a sample newsletter so
they can be informed about this
resource for parents.
My Son, Beloved Stranger has just
been reprinted by Alamo Square
Press. This book was first published
ten years ago by Pacific Press and
is the story of how our family
coped with learning our youngest
son is gay. This new edition
contains an epilogue describing
my journey since the book was first
published. I want to express my
appreciation to Dennis Grau for
initiating and encouraging this
venture and to Kinship for loaning
me the money for printing. If
anyone would like to purchase this
book, it is available through
Dennis Grau at
[email protected] or me
at13008 234th Street SE,
Snohomish, WA 98296.
!
Website of the Month:
http://www.pathways-to-peace.com
(Thank you Samuel Pang)
Kampmeeting Corner…The Road to St. Louis (USA)
Isis M., Kampmeeting Coordinator 2005 (USA)
The program for Kampmeeting is really taking shape and I am excited
about our various speakers and topics. I wanted to share with you some of
the topics for Kampmeeting:
• Homosexuality & The Bible
• Health Issues for Men and Women
• Relationships
• Legal Happenings in the GLBT community
• Family Planning
• IMRU
• SDA Kinship Regional/Chapter Coordinator Workshop
• God’s Grace
I am also VERY excited about the children’s week long program. We will
have a Vacation Bible School in the morning and part of the afternoon,
which will run concurrently to the adult program. Parents, we want you and
your kids to be able to enjoy Kampmeeting!
We are also planning two separate “Meet & Greet’s”, one for our IMRU
members, and one for our single members.
Kampmeeting is about Love, Acceptance, Joy, Laughter, discovery,
re-discovery, better understanding, and spiritual, emotional and mental
nourishment. It is about fellowship and community. I hope you will join me
in St. Louis.
Reminders:
• Plan ahead to attend Kampmeeting. Due to the General Conference
session and other activities occurring in St. Louis around that time, we
need to have final head count confirmation with payment by June 15th.
AFTER THAT DATE, YOU WILL BE ON YOUR OWN REGARDING
ACCOMMODATIONS (which may be difficult to find).
• Have you found a baby picture of yourself? If so, please send the photo to
the office along with your name, place of birth (city & country) and date
(minus the year). Another option is to send an electronic version to
[email protected]
• If you would like to learn more about SLU, please feel free to visit their
website at www.slu.edu
St. Louis Trivia: Did you know that famous writers including T.S. Eliot, Maya
Angelou, William Gass, Tennessee Williams, Eugene Fields and many
others were from St. Louis?
Plan on Meeting Me in St. Louis – July 10-17, 2005!!
Kinship Calendar:
April 4 – Bob Bouchard begins Australian Kinship Tour
April 8 – Uganda Kampmeeting
May 13-15 – Mini Kampmeeting for Region 8 call Elena 408 247-0512 in
order to register
May 13-15 – Mini Kampmeeting for Region 2 and guests. Write
[email protected] to register.
July 8-10 – Womyn and Children first in St. Louis.
July 10 – 16 – Kinship International Kampmeeting in St. Louis, Missouri,
USA.
September 23-25 European Kampmeeting with option for holiday
bungalows the following week.
13
The Long Wait
Mike Lewis – Scotland, United Kingdom
I’m not a patient person. I hate
waiting. I want it now, whatever IT is. I
have to wait for buses, trains, airplanes,
supermarket queues and all sorts of
ordinary things. I anticipate unpleasant
things like dentist appointments. And I
anticipate exciting, pleasurable things
– payday, holiday, special events.
There’s an eagerness, a thrill, a “Can’t
wait” feeling. But whatever type of
waiting – I usually talk about it. Can’t
help but talk about it.
What about God’s wait? In Adventist
jargon we talk about God waiting for a
sinner to turn back to Him, but what
about God waiting for human history
to run its course? Remember how
God’s plan for humanity was
interrupted: humanity made perfect,
made to be with God – always. And then God’s flow
through eternity was interrupted by rebellion. God is
waiting till things get put right again. It’s taking
centuries. But there’s no rush – it will all happen in
God’s good time.
We have a subconscious body clock; we know when
it’s lunchtime. But we have no concept of God’s time.
God is from eternity to everlasting. We mere mortals
live about 70 years. God is outside of time. We are
inside time. God shrank to become part of time, to
experience time. Imagine what that must have meant to
Jesus when He came to earth. People said “Time’s up”,
Time to get up, time to go to work, time to eat, time to
sleep. Walking from Galilee to Jerusalem, took days.
What is familiar to us was totally unfamiliar to Jesus.
Jesus had to get familiar with the idea of waiting.
God, who is outside of time, got involved in time to
sort out the problem of sin in the universe. God
planned salvation before creation: “God saved us and
chose us to be his holy people. We did nothing to
deserve this, but God planned it. Even before time
began God planned for Jesus Christ to show kindness to
us.” (2 Tim 1 v9).
Salvation announced in Eden. “He shall bruise his
heel…” (Gen 3 v15). Did God explain all this to Adam
and Eve in detail? Adam and Eve had no past, no
history to give them a sense of time, they had to learn
about waiting. Humanity had to wait until BC turned
into AD. And it all came to pass in God’s own good
time: “When the fullness of time was come, God sent
forth His Son.” (Gal 4 v4,5). Desire of Ages: “Like the
stars in the vast circuit of their appointed path, God’s
purposes know no haste and no delay”.
All through the Old Testament there are stories of
14
people being kept waiting: Noah waits
120 years for the flood. Abraham waits
100 years for a son. Jacob waits 7 years
for a wife, and then waits another 7
years for the right wife. Moses waits 40
years in the desert, and God waits 80
years for Moses. “Very well! Say to
them: This is what the Lord God said:
No word of mine will be delayed;
whatever I say will be done. This is the
word of the Lord God.” (Ezekiel 21
v26,27)
And so to the time of the
incarnation. Mary had 9 months of
waiting. Thoughts, feelings, emotions,
day-to-day existence through her
pregnancy. What she endured! How
she waited. And then the horrific
fulfillment – away from home, giving
birth in a stable. Her waiting is over, and Jesus starts on
His path through 30 years of childhood/adolescence
and early manhood. He wants to start at the age of 12.
There’s the story of Jesus meeting with the scribes in the
temple and his parents drag him back home. He has to
wait another 15 years to start his public ministry;
waiting, learning, doing God’s will in a quiet, way; not
in the public eye.
Then suddenly all the waiting seems to be over.
Christ’s ministry fires into action, and suddenly Jesus
hardly has a moment to himself. But that’s what His
ministry was all about – not about time for himself,
rather all about time for others, for humanity. And He
also anticipates what lies ahead, finally making His last
journey to Jerusalem. There are the busy few days
between the triumphal entry and the Last Supper, and
suddenly there’s a lot more waiting going on again.
Jesus is powerless to do anything except wait,
anticipating the worst horrors He can imagine. Imagine
him in the high priest’s rooms. Waiting. High officials
don’t wait for Him, He has to wait for them. Imagine
telling your doctor to wait for you, telling the driver in
front to wait for you, telling the King/Queen/President
to wait for you, telling the God of the universe to wait
for you. But the temple guards told Jesus to ‘wait there’
until he was called for. Has to wait for Annas; wait for
Ciaphas; wait for Pilate; wait for Herod; wait for Pilate
again. Satan is saying “I’m in charge down here – now
you wait for me.” And Jesus waits. Great renaissance
artists portraying trial pictures always show Christ’s calm
patience. Waiting in love. And all the while the
disciples are waiting, the Authorities are waiting, the
Angels are waiting, and God is waiting. Just a few
more hours, and it will all be over. Just a few more
hours, and Satan will be
vanquished, the problem of sin
will be rectified and humanity, and
that includes us today, we will be
able to address God one-to-one,
with no veil between us and the
mercy seat of God’s everlasting
throne.
Jesus waits on the cross, but
those few hours seem to last an
eternity. Sometimes time drags
infinitely slowly. Jesus suffering on
the cross lasts all morning and all
afternoon. 9am to 3pm. 6 hours of
waiting to die. Waiting with
intense physical pain, thirst, heat
and cold. Waiting with intense
mental pain – listening to the
taunts of the onlookers, and his
internal questioning “have I done
the right thing?” Waiting with
intense spiritual pain as he
experiences the presence of God
being slowly and completely
withdrawn. And at His feet the
Romans are waiting to get
everything cleared up ready for the
weekend. The authorities are
waiting to get this troublemaker
out of the way so they can get on
with their religion in a
comfortable, uninterrupted way.
Satan is waiting. Waiting for just
one flaw to show up in Christ that
will condemn Him to death
forever, and justify Satan’s claim
that God is unjust. Satan waits for a
fault. Jesus waits to do God’s will
to the death. And all the while
God is waiting. He knows the
outcome. But the waiting still has
to be endured. Then at about 3
o’clock it’s all over. Jesus cries “It’s
finished”, and he dies. His waiting
is over.
God, and only God, knows that
the waiting is not over. There’s
another part to the drama which
hasn’t started yet. Just another few
hours. But God says “Rest”. And
Jesus rests. The scene changes to
the control centre of the universe:
Angels have been waiting too.
What anticipation on their part!
God gives the command – “roll
away the stone!” Now this part of
the waiting really is over: salvation
has been achieved and confirmed.
God and humanity has been
The Journal of Seventh-day Adventist Kinship International, Inc.
Editor: Catherine Taylor
Circulation: Fred Casey
European Editor: Ruud Kieboom
Photography: Karen Wetherell
Production: Ted Compton
Printing: Doolittle’s PrintServe
The Connection is published by
Seventh-day Adventist Kinship
International, Inc. Principal office:
P.O. Box 4937 5, Sarasota, FL
34230-6375; 866-732-5677.
Submissions of letters, articles,
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welcome. Include your name as you
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please include a self-addressed,
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Connection contributors have
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The Connection reserves the right
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Submit articles or letters for
reconciled. Once and for all.
The next waiting begins.
There’s to be another six weeks
before the Prince of Peace goes
home to heaven. The mission of
spreading the Gospel becomes
established. “AD” has started. And
now we wait.
“For I reckon that the sufferings
we now endure bear no
comparison with the glory, as yet
unrevealed, which is in store for us.
The created universe is waiting
with eager expectation for God's
children to be revealed... What is
more, we also, to whom the Spirit
is given as the first fruits of the
harvest to come, are groaning
inwardly while we look forward
eagerly to our adoption, our
liberation from mortality… we look
forward to it eagerly and with
patience” (Romans 8)
We cannot imagine the waiting
the Jesus underwent, that God
undergoes. Our waiting is still
bound by our lifestyle, our
horizons. But at the same time we
publication to the Connection Editor
at connectioneditor@ sdakinship.org.
The mention or appearance of
any names, organizations or
photographs in this publication is
not meant to imply a fact or
statement about sexual orientation
or activity.
Subscription requests or address
changes may be sent to:
Subscriptions, P.O. Box 4937 5,
Sarasota, FL 34230-6375, or call toll
free from inside the U.S. at 866
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U.S. at 01-941-371-7606, or email
[email protected]. The Kinship
mailing list is confidential and used
only by Kinship officers. The
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exchanged for any purpose.
© 2005 Connection. All rights
reserved. Reproduction in whole or
in part without permission is
prohibited. OPINIONS EXPRESSED
HEREIN ARE NOT NECESSARILY
THOSE OF SDA KINSHIP
INTERNATIONAL.
Member of the Gay and Lesbian
Press Association.
must look up and anticipate being
part of eternity. We need to
remember the words of Jesus: “I
will come again”. We know the
Signs: wars, earthquakes, famines,
pestilence, disaster, fear, love of
many growing cold… Our
waiting must be dedicated
waiting. Committed waiting.
Eager anticipation. Our prayer
should always be: “Even so, come
Lord Jesus.” How is our eagerness,
our thrill, our excitement ? Can we
honestly say “I can’t wait”.
This Jesus, who waited to come
to planet earth, who waited to die,
who waited to rise again; this
Jesus, whose crucifixion and
resurrection we remembered again
at Easter a few days ago, is waiting
for us, and is waiting for us to tell
others about Him. It should be that
we can’t help but talk about Him.
When the earth shook at His
resurrection, how was it for you?
[email protected]
!
15
“Our influence upon others depends not so much upon what we say as upon what we are.
Men may combat and defy our logic, they may resist our appeals; but a life of disinterested
love is an argument they cannot gainsay.”
Ellen G. White
16