with HIV - Seventh-day Adventist Kinship International, Inc.
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The Journal of Seventh-day Adventist Kinship International, Inc. April 2005 Vol. 29 No. 4 Living with HIV I met Ronnie in the summer of 1986. We built a foundation of friendship before we became lovers almost four years later. We made a decision to have an HIV test at the beginning of our sexual relationship and found out on March 28, 1990 that we were both HIV positive… KINSHIP BOARD President: Bob Bouchard Vice President: Taylor Ruhl Secretary: Bruce Harlow Treasurer: Karen Wetherell Connection Editor: Catherine Taylor Marketing & PR Webmaster: Robb Crouch, Dave Gilsdorf Church Liaison: Leif Lind Womyn’s Coordinator: Yolanda Elliott Kampmeeting 2004 Coordinator: Isis Montalvo BOARD MEMBERS AT LARGE KinNet Coordinator: Floyd Poenitz Office Manager/Member Services: Fred Casey Diversity Issues: Elena Thomas-Blough Transgender Issues: Sandra Hoffecker EXECUTIVE COMMITTEE Bob Bouchard, Taylor Ruhl, Bruce Harlow, Karen Wetherell, Samuel Pang, Catherine Taylor REGIONAL COORDINATORS–USA Region 1 (PA, NJ, NY, CT, RI, MA,VT, NH, ME) Catherine Taylor 802-885-6050 [email protected] Region 2 (WV, VA, NC, DE, MD,DC) Yolanda Elliot 410-531-5382 [email protected] Region 3 (TN, AL, MS, GA, SC, FL) Brenda McColpin N2pepsi@aol Region 4 (MN, IA, MO, WI, IL, MI,IN, KY,OH) Darin Olson 612-870-8199 [email protected] Region 5 (TX, OK, KS, AR, LA) Floyd Poenitz 972-416-1358 [email protected] Region 6 (ND, SD, CO, NE, WY,UT, NM) Robb Crouch 402-438-0883 [email protected] Region 7 (AK, WA, OR ID, MT) Betty Hale 503-794-0110 [email protected] Region 8 (No. CA, NV HI) Elena Thomas-Blough 480-272-7168 [email protected] 2 Who we are... Seventh-day Adventist Kinship International, Inc. (Kinship) is a non-profit support organization which ministers to the spiritual, emotional, social, and physical well-being of Seventh-day Adventist lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgendered, and intersex individuals and their families and friends. Kinship facilitates and promotes the understanding and affirmation of LGBTI Adventists among themselves and within the Seventh-day Adventist community through education, advocacy, and reconciliation. Kinship is an organization which supports the advance of human rights for all people. Founded in 1976, the organization was incorporated in 1981 and is recognized as a 501(c)(3) non-profit organization in the US. Kinship has a board of up to 15 officers and 13 regional coordinators. The current list of members and friends includes several thousand people in 43 countries. SDA Kinship believes the Bible does not condemn, or even mention, homosexuality as a sexual orientation. Ellen G. White does not parallel any of the Bible texts, which are often used to condemn homosexuals. Most of the anguish imposed upon God’s children who grow up as LGBT has its roots in a misunderstanding of what the Bible says. Support Kinship Kinship operates solely on contributions from its members and friends. Help us reach out to more LGBT Adventists by making a tax-deductible donation to SDA Kinship International. Please send your check or money order to the address below. (You can also donate, using your Visa or Master Card, by contacting Karen Wetherell at [email protected]. She will phone you so that you can give your credit card information in a safe manner.) SDA Kinship, P.O. Box 49375, Sarasota, FL 34230-6375, or call toll-free in the U.S. 866-732-5677 or toll from outside the U.S. 01 (941) 371-7606, or visit SDA Kinship’s Web Site at: www.sdakinship.org Region 9 (So. CA, AZ) Bruce Boyd 818-708-7448 [email protected] Michelle Cornwell 760-320-1853 [email protected] AFFILIATED INTERNATIONAL REGION COORDINATORS Australia: Noel Thorpe [email protected] Brazil: Itamar Matos de Souza [email protected] Canada: Brent Lehmann [email protected] Europe: Ruud Kieboom [email protected] Germany: Roy Ratzer [email protected] Central & South America: Alexander Gomez Pasco [email protected] Philippines: Jonathan Coo +63921-217-2617 [email protected] Uganda: Joseph Brown [email protected] OTHER COORDINATORS Intersexed: Carolyn Parsons 425-917-0842 [email protected] Transgender/Transexual: Sandra Hoffecker [email protected] Older Adult: Ren Reynolds [email protected] Living with HIV Carl Williams – Pennsylvania USA I met Ronnie in the summer of 1986. We built a foundation of friendship before we became lovers almost four years later. We made a decision to have an HIV test at the beginning of our sexual relationship and found out on March 28, 1990 that we were both HIV positive. The doctor told us there was not a wide variety of medicines available to fight the virus. The most commonly used medication at the time was a blue and white pill called AZT. The side effects were a nuisance. Ronnie and I would have bouts of diarrhea and nausea. It would make anyone not want to take the medication. I didn’t like the side effects of the medication but I continued to take them. Ronnie became discouraged and depressed about being HIV positive and over losing his job. He became addicted to crack cocaine and would be gone for days at a time living in the crack houses. Eventually the drug use took such a toll on Ronnie’s health that he became resistant to the HIV medications. I really loved Ronnie and I grieved as his hospital stays became longer and longer. The final time Ronnie was in the hospital, he was having several seizures every day. His heart would stop beating and would have to be restarted. Because crack cocaine use causes cardiac weakness, every time his heart stopped it took longer and longer to restart. On June 30, 1992, Ronnie’s mom, with whom I had a very close and loving relationship, called me and told me that my beloved partner had passed away. I grieved deeply the loss of my lover and best friend. His brothers and I comforted each other. I thank God for the love and support from his family. I could not look for comfort from my family about my HIV and Ronnie’s death. My dad was having his own issues dealing with both his coming out journey and his son being gay. My mother is one of those devout Seventh-Day Adventists that doesn’t approve of my orientation. I am sure she would not be pleased at all if she knew I was HIV positive. My parents and siblings still do not know my health status. I’ve only shared it with my closest friends, and now of course, you. I pray every day that my parents will not have to bury me. No parent should have to bury their child. Even though my mom does not approve of my lifestyle, it would break her heart if I should pass away. It breaks my heart that my mom will not come to visit me. She will only arrive on my doorstep when I live alone and am not in a same sex relationship. I understand my mom’s pain because my dad kept his sexuality hidden from her for years. In 1996 my parents divorced after 38 years of marriage. I asked my mom how come she stayed with my dad so long. She said she did it for us, and that she did not want us to grow up without seeing our father. I really want to tell my parents and my siblings about my health status, but I am afraid of being rejected. It is also hard dating as a man who lives with HIV. I don’t like to be rejected; no one does. I have been on plenty of dates in hope of finding Mr. Right. When I would tell dates about my health status, I would never hear from them again. I met this handsome fella named Les. We were attracted to each other. I confided in someone who I thought I could trust. He told another person that I was HIV positive. It seems like that person could not wait to tell Les about my health status when I felt that it was my place to tell him. I now know I will never share any personal information with that acquaintance. I have a dear person in my life named Aaron. We met on a camping trip with Men of Color in 1993. During one Gay Pride Day in Philadelphia, we were sitting down to have lunch when I pulled out my HIV medication and Aaron pulled out his. We were both trying to hide our pills when they rolled onto the table. We looked at each other and had an uncontrollable fit of laughter. I now have a wonderful lover, friend, and confidant named Doug. We met on a website called single me. I looked at his ad numerous times and finally got the nerve to answer it. We hit it off very well on our first date, where I was quite relieved to learn that he is also HIV positive. We now talk about many things and we have a lot in common. It’s a pleasure for me that he loves my cooking. After years of dating people who had substance abuse problems it is also a relief for me that Doug is serious about being a recovering alcoholic. I love him dearly. We are working on applying for domestic partnership. Continued on page 4. 3 Exercise and Mental Health John R. Edwards, M.S.W., R.S.W.- British Columbia, Canada We’ve all watched this scene in the movies or on TV: A woman (let’s call her Jill) and a man, (let’s call him Jack) have an argument. Jack leaves (usually storms out) and goes to play a sport activity with male friends (usually basketball). Jill goes to the refrigerator and gets ice cream and sits on the couch and cries while eating ice cream or calls a female friend and cries while talking with her friend and eating ice cream. Later scene shows Jack and Jill together but Jill is still upset but Jack no longer seems to be upset. Why does Jill still appear upset and Jack not upset? Well, apart from moving the plot along in the movie or TV show, I think it’s because Jack went out and exercised and Jill did not. Of course, this is all the stuff of movies and TV shows and it would be nice to see a version that includes either lesbians (Beth and Sue) who get into an argument or Beth leaves (storms out) to chop some wood and Sue sits on the couch with some tea and cookies. Another scenario could be Scott and Tom have an argument and Scott leaves (storms out) and goes to the gym with Tom staying behind and decides to finish off the chocolate cake. In the real world research has shown that exercise is beneficial to your mental health, especially if you suffer from the anxiety and depression that can often result from unresolved interpersonal conflicts. Anxiety is usually described using both physiological and psychological symptoms. Common psychological symptoms include worry, tension, and uneasiness without knowing the cause/event or the uneasiness is disproportionately high to the actual cause/event. Physiological symptoms often include jitters, sweating, heart racing dizziness and diarrhea. Research has shown that aerobic exercise such as running or swimming reduces anxiety. Anaerobic exercise or resistance exercise does not appear to have as References: Carl Williams included this web site for those of you who would like more information about working to end the HIV epidemic: AIDS Fact Sheet: Stopping the Spread of HIV http://www.aids.org/factSheets/150-Stopping-the-Spread-of-HIV.html John Edwards’ website is: http://professionalsocialwork.com His email is [email protected] 4 great an effect in reducing anxiety. The best results seem to come from aerobic exercise that is done for at least 10 weeks and the results get even better after 15 weeks. Even if you’re not an anxiety ridden person, exercise helps you to cope with everyday anxieties such as working for an obnoxious boss. In addition, one does not have to obtain optimum physical fitness for the benefits of exercise to kick in when it comes to anxiety. Even a single bout of aerobic exercise can reduce anxiety. Depression is pretty common in our society today although still behind anxiety. Depression is usually described emotionally as feeling blue, sad, down-in-the-dumps, unhappy, hopeless along with physiological symptoms such as loss of appetite, too much sleep or too little sleep and lethargy. According to research both aerobic and anaerobic exercise can get you out of a depressed state. Unlike anxiety, a single bout of exercise does not seem to have the same Living with HIV continued… I have a wonderful intentional family. I affectionately call Nancie “mama”. I also have a “poppa”, whose name is John, and a nephew named Tyler. I consider Shannon and Kevin my sister and brother. Pearlie Mae and Poopsie are dear friends. And last month you read about my biological father and his partner “Papa Mike.” HIV is not a death sentence. March 28th, 2005, was the 15th anniversary of my knowing that I live with HIV. I am truly blessed. I thank my HIV doctor, David V. Condoluci and his staff for their wonderful care. God Bless you all. ! effect at alleviating depression. A consistent program of higher intensity exercise that occurred more days during a week and over a longer period, nine or more weeks, seems to work best in reducing depression. One Duke University study that occurred over 4 months with depressed persons showed that 60% of the participants who did not exercise but took medication instead overcame their depression. Interestingly, 60% of the participants in the same study who exercised 3 times per week but did not take medication also overcame their depression. It also appears that those who regularly exercise are less likely to get depressed when compared to those who do not regularly exercise throughout their life span. Of course, like much of life, too much of a good thing can be bad. In this case, too much exercise or exercise abuse is bad. Mental health professionals initially saw this condition in runners and used to refer to exercise abuse by names such as exercise addiction, exercise dependency syndrome and activity anorexia. Symptoms of exercise abuse include the following: a) Exercising while injured. Usually the person refuses to rest/not exercise to allow time for their injury to heal. Many times this person is caught in emotional fears such as getting fat, looking small, losing status as a fitness king/queen or appearing weak. Often this person will compare themselves to a major sports figure and say that Andy Roddick or Serena Williams play with an injury. Of course, major sports figures get paid millions of dollars and have a team of medical experts on demand prior to, during and after games. b) Too much reliance on exercise. In this case, exercise becomes the sole means of coping. So Jack leaves Jill to go play basketball or run each time he has a conflict with Jill. He no longer discusses problems with her. Usually the tolerance to exercise builds and the person finds her/himself making exercise the primary priority over other daily responsibilities such as family, friends and work. c) Withdrawal symptoms. Like substance abusers, an external event usually causes the exercise abuser to stop. In this case, it is usually an injury so severe the person is physically unable to exercise. At this point the exercise abuser begins to experience symptoms such as sleeplessness/change in sleep patterns, mood swings, inability to concentrate, muscle stiffness and soreness and distorted self-image such as looking fat or too small. Other areas of mental health, such as positive mood, self-esteem and restful sleep are being studied by researchers and the results are promising. The research has shown that self-esteem and restful sleep both are positively affected by exercise. In other words, exercise can improve self-esteem. There are several stages of sleep with stages 3 and 4 being most restful and those who exercise regularly and are physically fit get more of this type of sleep. However, more research needs to be done to determine how exercise can improve positive mood as opposed to a reduction in negative states like anxiety and depression. Of course, if your anxiety or depression has significantly impaired your ability to function or you’re just not yourself as a result of anxiety or depression, consult your doctor or a mental health professional. Often medical conditions can cause symptoms similar to anxiety and depression. In conclusion, most researchers are now comfortable saying that there is a positive link/relationship between exercise and mental health, especially if you’re anxious or depressed. Clinical psychologist Eliezer Margoles recommends that we take a positive approach to exercise instead of a punitive one. We should bask in our abilities to be in our bodies. I recommend that if you want to have a donut or ice cream, go ahead but don’t make an extra 10 push ups or an extra 10 minutes of jogging the “punishment” for the donut or ice cream. Simply enjoy both with moderation of course. ! John Edwards is a clinical social worker and psychotherapist in Vancouver. He has a Master’s Degree in Social Work with a concentration in Health and Mental Health, A Two Year Post Masters Certificate in Advanced Clinical Social Work with a concentration in Individual Therapy. He is a Registered Social Worker with the British Columbia Association of Social Workers. This article was prepared after review of articles by Daniel M. Landers of Arizona State University, Jennifer C. Panning in Mental Health Benefits of Exercise and an Exercise and Mental health fact sheet provided by University of Cincinnati Psychological Services Center. 5 A Visit to New York 6 Serving You: The Kinship Board Spring Meeting Somehow you trust us with your hope, your prayers and the utilization of your offerings. We are blessed by that and by the opportunity to do the various projects in which we participate. This Connection issue we want to take some time and space to share the reports of the work of the board members. President’s Report: Bob Bouchard In February I went to Holland to meet with Dutch Adventist Union officials and to have a Kinship meeting. Ruud and I met with the Union president, youth leader and Sabbath school secretary. They are open and understanding, while still working under Church constraints. I met with IMRU leaders on the phone (Eric, Jeremy, Naveen and Suzy). They are getting IMRU back in functioning form and will be able to welcome new young folk inquiring about Kinship. I will be leaving for Australia in early April. Noel has scheduled Kinship meetings for me in Brisbane, Sydney and Melbourne. I am looking forward to spending 8-10 days with Noel to discuss Kinship down under. I spoke to Jim Chilson who is now working on future Kampmeeting sites. I have spoken with Dave and we spoke with Andrew at the last board meeting about grant writing. This needs to be focused on in the next number of weeks. The video by parents of gay and lesbian children has been finalized. Carrol Grady has moved ahead with the reprinting of her book that tells the story of her son’s coming out. She has included an epilogue that tells of the changes in her own understanding. Vince and I hosted a Kinship meeting in New York on February 26. Fourteen people were here. Went well (ask Karen and Catherine who were both in attendance), though we were a little snug in our one bedroom apartment. I have become our Religious Roundtable representative. The next meeting is in mid April which is right after I get back from Australia. I’m not sure I can attend, but will know shortly. In any event there will be an authorized person attending. I have spoken with seven or eight people who called up to find out more about Kinship. My miscellaneous duties include signing checks, chatting with board members about various issues over the weeks, and try to periodically let Fred know that he is appreciated! Kinnet: Floyd Poenitz As a member-at-large I have the general responsibility of KinNet and online member services. Since the registration and adding of new members now falls in the responsibility of the office (Fred), I am not current with how many new members we have or how many we have waiting to join KinNet. I know that Fred has sent out the packets to a slew of new members fairly recently and they are waiting to be added to KinNet. He will probably have more figures available in his report. My task with KinNet is to moderate the conversations online, stimulate new topics and ideas and make sure that everyone feels connected to each other and the organization. Most recently I started a discussion on the 27 fundamental beliefs of the SDA church and we are going through them one by one. Currently I am aware of no concerns or issues on KinNet. The KOL site has not been updated recently. I see that site as a depository for resources and information. I try to list upcoming events and meetings (but I haven't heard much about chapter activity lately) and I list the birthdays. The birthday listing has been blank for several months now. I'm waiting to get a copy of the master database from Fred so that I can post correct and updated birthdays. After sending out a request to update their information for the database to all members with email addresses, I (and in turn Fred who had to DO the updates in the database) got swamped with replies. I guess that is a good "problem", but it has also put Fred behind in his office work. I think it is important to have the most current and correct data in the database. Emailing those with email addresses was the first step in this process. The next step (once the first corrections were made), is to contact those for whom we don't have an email address and verify the info we have and find out if they possibly do have email access. I continue to have personal correspondence with folks around the world who want to have someone who is gay and SDA to talk to, but aren't necessarily ready to be out enough to join Kinship or have their name on a database. Continued on page 8. 7 Kinship Womyn: Yolanda Elliot Jan Radcliffe has said she is willing to edit our Lavender Letters project. I will mail her our publishing program. Womyn’s weekend is still in the planning phase. We know we will be in St. Louis at the Drury Inn Hotel from July 8-10 (and beyond for those staying for Kampmeeting). Some possible activities include: a riverboat trip, a visit to the butterfly house and a free gospel concert on Friday evening at a park downtown. Kinship’s Older Adult Program: Ren Reynolds and Yolanda Elliot Ren and I have collected information on the Weimar Institute Healthy Cookbook and Ren has written a letter that is to be added to the mailing of that cookbook. We would like to recommend ordering directly from Pickle Publishing because we will get a 20% discount if we order from the publisher. That comes to $16 per book. Ren has collated and sent the mailing list to Communications/Public Relations: Robb Crouch Completed projects Online giving was added to the Kinship Web site. This site is hosted on a separate secure server. All donor information and 8 credit card information is stored on a secure server for the treasurer's access. Our next steps will be to let the Kinship community know about this opportunity. We will prepare an e-mail announcement to those for whom we only have e-mail addresses. We wrote and managed the letters that went out at the end of the year letting people know the ways they could support Kinship ministries. A directory of our Board members was added to the Kinship Web site. We are in the process of collecting short sixty word bios for each board member. We recently printed 2,000 pieces of letterhead and note cards for the Kinship office with a slight update to the letterhead to make the logo more prominent on the sheet. We just finished incorporating the Netherlands web pages into our site. The Dutch Kinship web site was previously hosted on Ruud Kieboom’s personal web pages. We have added a "friends of Kinship" page that links to http://www.someone-to-talk-to.net and http://www.heartstrong.org Projects in Process We are updating and reprinting the Kinship brochure Nothing in the World is Quite like Growing up Adventist and then Realizing you are Gay We are designing and preparing to print a general flier for broader audience distribution with contact information for Kinship, PFLAG, Someone To Talk To and HeartStrong. We are updating the Kinship HIV/AIDS Quilt information brochure. We are designing and preparing to order Kinship 15-month calendars magnets for membership gifts We are designing and preparing to print Kinship business and contact cards. We are updating and preparing to print the "I think I might be Gay" brochure for distribution to gay men. We are working to add member photos and stories to web site ! 9 Kinship Financial Statements INCOME STATEMENT Jan - Dec 04 Ordinary Income/Expense Income Donation Income Kinship Boutique Program Fees Total Income Expense + Advertising Bank Service Charges Campus Outreach Connection Office supplies Postage Printing Total Connection General Miscellaneous Office Supplies PO Box rental Postage Telephone Web Page Total General Insurance Liability Insurance Total Insurance Licenses and Permits Professional Fees Accounting Consulting Merrill Lynch Management Fee Total Professional Fees Program Expense Boardmeeting Book Inreach Kampmeeting Supplies Womyn's Weekend Total Program Expense Regional Dinner Mini-KM Miscellaneous Postage Total Regional Support to Members Travel Uncategorized Expenses Womyn's Outreach Postage Printing Total Womyn's Outreach Total Expense ASSETS Current Assets 78,217.71 Checking/Savings 346.00 General Operating Accounts 31,952.00 Banknorth 110,515.71 BofA Checking 01629-15266 BofA Money Market 01623-03723 780.00 Total General Operating Accounts 2,236.16 9,290.00 629.06 9,177.69 15,133.59 24,940.34 2,490.00 4,859.47 126.00 2,288.82 1,202.55 826.22 826.22 20.00 1,000.00 5,067.80 636.07 6,703.87 2,262.30 5,378.25 41,915.00 1,411.27 4,130.71 55,097.53 Other Current Assets Endowment Fund Accounts B of A Investments Time Deposits CD# 01620-04382 Total Time Deposits Total B of A Investments 6,174.75 821.80 268.17 143.92 412.09 124,051.25 129.09 555.45 282.20 502.00 12,584.69 14,053.43 0.00 0.00 14,053.43 517.89 Dec 31, 04 24,290.27 711.34 6,187.74 31,189.35 31,189.35 235.00 235.00 25,328.29 25,328.29 25,328.29 Merrill Lynch AIM Small Cap Equity (SMEAX) 12,412.77 Amer Centy Equity (TWEJX) 11,523.21 American Growth (AGTHX) 30,128.10 American Washington Mut (AWSHX) 34,367.16 Cash Accoun 65.38 Eaton Vance Floating (EVBLX) 8,384.67 Rydex Juno Fund (RYJUX) 1,977.11 Thornburg Intl Value (TGVAX) 18,416.83 Total Merrill Lynch 117,275.23 Total Endowment Fund Accounts 142,603.52 Total Other Current Assets 142,603.52 Total Current Assets 174,027.87 TOTAL ASSETS 174,027.87 LIABILITIES & EQUITY Equity Opening Bal Equity Retained Earnings Net Income 700.00 Total Equity -13,535.54 Net Income Accounts Receivable Loan Total Accounts Receivable 1,036.96 2,813.89 554.04 138.49 4,543.38 Other Income/Expense • Other Income Dividends Interest Income Mutual Fund Reinvestment Other Income Unrealized Gain/(Loss) Total Other Income Net Other Income Total Checking/Savings 538.27 11,505.11 Net Ordinary Income Other Expense Transfers Total Other Expense BALANCE SHEET TOTAL LIABILITIES & EQUITY 19,431.91 154,078.07 517.89 174,027.87 174,027.87 Kinship News Australia: Noel Thorpe www.KinshipAu stralia.com We are awaiting Bob Bouchard's trip to Australia in April. Bob has said that it will be his first trip to our continent. Meetings for Kinship folk have been arranged for three states on the east coast. The Metropolitan Community Churches have been kind enough to let us utilize their facilities for a meeting in two states. Bob's trip will be very full to say the least. If he would like, Bob and even visit Steve Irwin’s Australia Zoo. This is just 10 minutes from my place by car. Of course no trip to Australia would be complete without seeing Sydney Harbor, the bridge and opera house. Kinship Australia was present at the Sydney Mardi Gras Fair Day in February. This is very successful way to let people know of Kinship. Fifty thousand people visited the fair on Sunday. Our meeting on February 6 was entitled Suicide and Happiness. One of the questions that came up was “Does God want us to be Happy?”. Fortunately,.. most people thought that He does want us to be happy, healthy and build the good relationships that make our life fulfilling. Brazil: Itamar Matos In January I was on vacation. Then I went to São Paulo where I met the Kinship members who are gathering there. I attended one meeting, led by Cristiano Valério. This group meets regularly in a room rented in downtown São Paulo, on Sunday afternoons. On Sunday night they gather with people from other Christian denominations. I went to Rio de Janeiro and went to the Seminar of Implantation of Metropolitan Community Churches with Rev. Darlene Garner. I went to Porto Alegre, in the south of Brazil, to participate in the World Social Forum on January 26-31. Because Brasilia was having Carnival, I traveled to a near-by area where it is easy to rest. Alto Paraiso is in the state of Goias. You can read about it at http://www.altoparaiso.com/pt / and http://www.chapada.com/portugue s/altoparaiso.htm. You can see some pictures of my vacations in http://fellowdfbr.multiply.com/ . After all this resting I returned to the work and I found a lot to be done. God bless you. Europe: Ruud Kieboom kinship@xsforall. nl From February 12-16 Bob Bouchard was in Holland for a business trip and took the opportunity to visit Ruud and Kees and to meet with some of our Kinship family in Europe. During his visit pastor Gerard Frenk and Ruud managed to arrange a meeting with Dutch church leaders including the president of the Dutch Seventh Day Adventist Church, pastor Reinder Bruinsma, and the leader of the youth department, Jeroen Tuinstra. Gerard is also a Dutch church leader. The board showed much interest in Kinship's outreach to gay and lesbian people. The president honestly expressed his lack of knowledge about what it means to be gay. Bob told them about Kinship's history, its contacts with the church over the last 25 years, and the work Kinship does now. Ruud told President Bruinsma that he is willing to have more of a discussion with him about what it is like to live as a gay Seventh Day Adventist. The board showed interest in the video which has interviewed the families of gay and lesbian Adventists that was recently completed in the U.S. The church leaders said that they would like to buy copies of this video and have them subtitled in Dutch, so that congregations can use the video during meetings. There are also ideas of making a Dutch version of the video on which Dutch gays and lesbians are interviewed. The meeting was open and friendly. We went to dinner together afterwards. Germany: Roy Raetzer [email protected] We are looking forward to our spring meeting that will be held in Erfurt from April 22 to 24. Right now it looks like ten or eleven people will be attending. Philippines: Jonathan Coo [email protected] We are planning on putting a longer story about Larry and Joc’s visit. I am awaiting photos and am looking forward to sharing more with you all in May. Uganda: Joseph Brown [email protected] We are almost ready for our first African Kampmeeting!! For us it is like the title of Nelson Mandela’s book, A Long Walk to Freedom. We also feel like something else Mandela once said, “Never in my history have I thought about having this kind of togetherness.” We are very happy that a guest speaker is coming all the way from the United States to be with us. Africa is the Land of the Sun. So things depend on the Mood. United Kingdom: Mike Lewis Kinship-uk@scotm agic.co.uk Plans for the 4th European Kampmeeting are well underway. The main speakers have been booked, enrollments are already starting to come in and there is a hint of excitement within Kinship about this gathering together in 11 September. Here in the UK there will likely be opposition from the more conservative side of the Church (so what's new?), but there is also a suggestion of openness and encouragement for dialog. One speaker told some of his fellow pastors that he had been invited to speak. "You're surely not going are you?” was one response. Others said "Good on you; you should go". He is looking forward to being part of the weekend. Right now there are more positive signs than negative. I am encouraged! Please pray for the success of this meeting and plan to come and be part of it. Bookings for the meeting and the holiday extension are being taken now. US Region 1: Catherine Taylor [email protected] On April 9, at 3PM, we would like to invite you to join us at David T’s house in Springfield, MA. You can get directions by writing to him at [email protected] or to Catherine. We are planning a spring walk, potluck supper, vespers, and board games in the evening. We are looking forward to seeing you! We would also like to invite you to join us with Region 2 at the Rehoboth Beach Mini-Kampmeeting on May 13-15th. You can get information by contacting Yolanda. The wondrous Bruce and Eddie have said they are willing to be our touchstones for the NYC Gay Pride March on Sunday, June 26th. They report some of the other events of the week include: the AIDS benefit -- Broadway Bares (a fun strip show, comedy, vaudeville, whatever, with the chorus boys and girls and some of the stars from the B'way stage). It's Sunday, June 19 -- the week before the Pride March. The NYC Gay Men’s Chorus is usually sometime in between. They will send us info as the time gets nearer US Region 2: Yolanda Elliot [email protected] This month, we had our annual 12 March dinner at the Dupont Italian Kitchen. The food was very good and it was a great evening spent with our Kinship family. We also provided a hot meal for the homeless men who are a part of the Winter Haven program. This wonderful program is shared by 18 churches in our area. Groups take turns staffing an overnight shelter and cooking a hot dinner, breakfast and bag lunch during the coldest months of the year. The Oaklands Presbyterian Church allows our group to use its sanctuary every month for our vespers. They are also one of the Winter Haven participating members. We try to give back just a little for the hospitality that the church shows us by providing one of the hot meals for the men. It is a really nice experience and the men are really very grateful for everything that is done for them. We are in the process of finalizing plans for Mini-Kampmeeting. To register you can contact me at [email protected]. Mountains. The weekend will begin with supper on Friday evening, May 13, and end with lunch on Sunday, May 15. Cost of the entire weekend retreat, including food and lodging, is $100 per person. Call Elena Thomas, Region 8 Coordinator, at (408) 247-0512 to secure your reservation now, or if you have specific questions. If you are a Kinship member living in Region 8 (Northern California, Nevada, and Hawaii) and are not currently receiving the Region 8 News & Views by email, please contact Jacquie Hegarty, Editor, at [email protected]. US Region 9: Bruce Boyd [email protected] Kinship board meeting was held at the home of two Region Nine members March 4 through 6. All Region Nine members were invited for dinner on Sabbath, March 5. A sizeable number came and spent a pleasantly social afternoon with the Board members. We all thank the parents of Fred Casey for the US REGION 5: Floyd Poenitz [email protected] There is a Yahoo email group that gets used somewhat for communication between members who choose to be a part of it. I've posted numerous times asking if anyone wants to have a meeting and get together, but there is no response. I don't see that as a bad thing. Just that folks in this area don't have a need to get together more than they already do. Several "core" Kinship folks see each other regularly at church, dancing at the bars, or at informal brunches. US Region 8: Elena Thomas In April, the monthly regional meeting will be a dinner party held in San Mateo at Carol and Chris' place on Saturday, April 16, at 3:00 p.m. Dinner may be followed by a game night if there is enough interest, so bring your favorite table game, just in case. Save the dates of May 13-15 for Region 8 Mini-Kampmeeting at the Koinonia Campground in the Santa Cruz wonderful food and service that they provided during the weekend. IMRU? Update! In about a month's time, we have had 12 new members join IM RU? which includes some IM RU? veterans bringing our group to 60 members! The group has experienced a renewed energy and it can be witnessed by the fact that we are heading to the 2nd busiest month in the past! Any current Kinship members, who fit into this sub-group and are interested in checking us out, please do not hesitate to contact us at [email protected]! (Also please refer anyone that you think might benefit from the group!) We are looking forward to having a good turnout at the upcoming Kampmeeting (not to mention somewhat of an active role!). We hope to see you all there! Jeremy T. Brown IM RU? Membership Co-coordinator Note: IM RU? is Kinship’s On-line group for members under 30. Someone to Talk To: Carrol Grady A mother who lives in Canada printed envelopes for all the pastors and conference and union personnel there. This past week I sent each one a letter about my ministry and a sample newsletter so they can be informed about this resource for parents. My Son, Beloved Stranger has just been reprinted by Alamo Square Press. This book was first published ten years ago by Pacific Press and is the story of how our family coped with learning our youngest son is gay. This new edition contains an epilogue describing my journey since the book was first published. I want to express my appreciation to Dennis Grau for initiating and encouraging this venture and to Kinship for loaning me the money for printing. If anyone would like to purchase this book, it is available through Dennis Grau at [email protected] or me at13008 234th Street SE, Snohomish, WA 98296. ! Website of the Month: http://www.pathways-to-peace.com (Thank you Samuel Pang) Kampmeeting Corner…The Road to St. Louis (USA) Isis M., Kampmeeting Coordinator 2005 (USA) The program for Kampmeeting is really taking shape and I am excited about our various speakers and topics. I wanted to share with you some of the topics for Kampmeeting: • Homosexuality & The Bible • Health Issues for Men and Women • Relationships • Legal Happenings in the GLBT community • Family Planning • IMRU • SDA Kinship Regional/Chapter Coordinator Workshop • God’s Grace I am also VERY excited about the children’s week long program. We will have a Vacation Bible School in the morning and part of the afternoon, which will run concurrently to the adult program. Parents, we want you and your kids to be able to enjoy Kampmeeting! We are also planning two separate “Meet & Greet’s”, one for our IMRU members, and one for our single members. Kampmeeting is about Love, Acceptance, Joy, Laughter, discovery, re-discovery, better understanding, and spiritual, emotional and mental nourishment. It is about fellowship and community. I hope you will join me in St. Louis. Reminders: • Plan ahead to attend Kampmeeting. Due to the General Conference session and other activities occurring in St. Louis around that time, we need to have final head count confirmation with payment by June 15th. AFTER THAT DATE, YOU WILL BE ON YOUR OWN REGARDING ACCOMMODATIONS (which may be difficult to find). • Have you found a baby picture of yourself? If so, please send the photo to the office along with your name, place of birth (city & country) and date (minus the year). Another option is to send an electronic version to [email protected] • If you would like to learn more about SLU, please feel free to visit their website at www.slu.edu St. Louis Trivia: Did you know that famous writers including T.S. Eliot, Maya Angelou, William Gass, Tennessee Williams, Eugene Fields and many others were from St. Louis? Plan on Meeting Me in St. Louis – July 10-17, 2005!! Kinship Calendar: April 4 – Bob Bouchard begins Australian Kinship Tour April 8 – Uganda Kampmeeting May 13-15 – Mini Kampmeeting for Region 8 call Elena 408 247-0512 in order to register May 13-15 – Mini Kampmeeting for Region 2 and guests. Write [email protected] to register. July 8-10 – Womyn and Children first in St. Louis. July 10 – 16 – Kinship International Kampmeeting in St. Louis, Missouri, USA. September 23-25 European Kampmeeting with option for holiday bungalows the following week. 13 The Long Wait Mike Lewis – Scotland, United Kingdom I’m not a patient person. I hate waiting. I want it now, whatever IT is. I have to wait for buses, trains, airplanes, supermarket queues and all sorts of ordinary things. I anticipate unpleasant things like dentist appointments. And I anticipate exciting, pleasurable things – payday, holiday, special events. There’s an eagerness, a thrill, a “Can’t wait” feeling. But whatever type of waiting – I usually talk about it. Can’t help but talk about it. What about God’s wait? In Adventist jargon we talk about God waiting for a sinner to turn back to Him, but what about God waiting for human history to run its course? Remember how God’s plan for humanity was interrupted: humanity made perfect, made to be with God – always. And then God’s flow through eternity was interrupted by rebellion. God is waiting till things get put right again. It’s taking centuries. But there’s no rush – it will all happen in God’s good time. We have a subconscious body clock; we know when it’s lunchtime. But we have no concept of God’s time. God is from eternity to everlasting. We mere mortals live about 70 years. God is outside of time. We are inside time. God shrank to become part of time, to experience time. Imagine what that must have meant to Jesus when He came to earth. People said “Time’s up”, Time to get up, time to go to work, time to eat, time to sleep. Walking from Galilee to Jerusalem, took days. What is familiar to us was totally unfamiliar to Jesus. Jesus had to get familiar with the idea of waiting. God, who is outside of time, got involved in time to sort out the problem of sin in the universe. God planned salvation before creation: “God saved us and chose us to be his holy people. We did nothing to deserve this, but God planned it. Even before time began God planned for Jesus Christ to show kindness to us.” (2 Tim 1 v9). Salvation announced in Eden. “He shall bruise his heel…” (Gen 3 v15). Did God explain all this to Adam and Eve in detail? Adam and Eve had no past, no history to give them a sense of time, they had to learn about waiting. Humanity had to wait until BC turned into AD. And it all came to pass in God’s own good time: “When the fullness of time was come, God sent forth His Son.” (Gal 4 v4,5). Desire of Ages: “Like the stars in the vast circuit of their appointed path, God’s purposes know no haste and no delay”. All through the Old Testament there are stories of 14 people being kept waiting: Noah waits 120 years for the flood. Abraham waits 100 years for a son. Jacob waits 7 years for a wife, and then waits another 7 years for the right wife. Moses waits 40 years in the desert, and God waits 80 years for Moses. “Very well! Say to them: This is what the Lord God said: No word of mine will be delayed; whatever I say will be done. This is the word of the Lord God.” (Ezekiel 21 v26,27) And so to the time of the incarnation. Mary had 9 months of waiting. Thoughts, feelings, emotions, day-to-day existence through her pregnancy. What she endured! How she waited. And then the horrific fulfillment – away from home, giving birth in a stable. Her waiting is over, and Jesus starts on His path through 30 years of childhood/adolescence and early manhood. He wants to start at the age of 12. There’s the story of Jesus meeting with the scribes in the temple and his parents drag him back home. He has to wait another 15 years to start his public ministry; waiting, learning, doing God’s will in a quiet, way; not in the public eye. Then suddenly all the waiting seems to be over. Christ’s ministry fires into action, and suddenly Jesus hardly has a moment to himself. But that’s what His ministry was all about – not about time for himself, rather all about time for others, for humanity. And He also anticipates what lies ahead, finally making His last journey to Jerusalem. There are the busy few days between the triumphal entry and the Last Supper, and suddenly there’s a lot more waiting going on again. Jesus is powerless to do anything except wait, anticipating the worst horrors He can imagine. Imagine him in the high priest’s rooms. Waiting. High officials don’t wait for Him, He has to wait for them. Imagine telling your doctor to wait for you, telling the driver in front to wait for you, telling the King/Queen/President to wait for you, telling the God of the universe to wait for you. But the temple guards told Jesus to ‘wait there’ until he was called for. Has to wait for Annas; wait for Ciaphas; wait for Pilate; wait for Herod; wait for Pilate again. Satan is saying “I’m in charge down here – now you wait for me.” And Jesus waits. Great renaissance artists portraying trial pictures always show Christ’s calm patience. Waiting in love. And all the while the disciples are waiting, the Authorities are waiting, the Angels are waiting, and God is waiting. Just a few more hours, and it will all be over. Just a few more hours, and Satan will be vanquished, the problem of sin will be rectified and humanity, and that includes us today, we will be able to address God one-to-one, with no veil between us and the mercy seat of God’s everlasting throne. Jesus waits on the cross, but those few hours seem to last an eternity. Sometimes time drags infinitely slowly. Jesus suffering on the cross lasts all morning and all afternoon. 9am to 3pm. 6 hours of waiting to die. Waiting with intense physical pain, thirst, heat and cold. Waiting with intense mental pain – listening to the taunts of the onlookers, and his internal questioning “have I done the right thing?” Waiting with intense spiritual pain as he experiences the presence of God being slowly and completely withdrawn. And at His feet the Romans are waiting to get everything cleared up ready for the weekend. The authorities are waiting to get this troublemaker out of the way so they can get on with their religion in a comfortable, uninterrupted way. Satan is waiting. Waiting for just one flaw to show up in Christ that will condemn Him to death forever, and justify Satan’s claim that God is unjust. Satan waits for a fault. Jesus waits to do God’s will to the death. And all the while God is waiting. He knows the outcome. But the waiting still has to be endured. Then at about 3 o’clock it’s all over. Jesus cries “It’s finished”, and he dies. His waiting is over. God, and only God, knows that the waiting is not over. There’s another part to the drama which hasn’t started yet. Just another few hours. But God says “Rest”. And Jesus rests. The scene changes to the control centre of the universe: Angels have been waiting too. What anticipation on their part! God gives the command – “roll away the stone!” Now this part of the waiting really is over: salvation has been achieved and confirmed. God and humanity has been The Journal of Seventh-day Adventist Kinship International, Inc. Editor: Catherine Taylor Circulation: Fred Casey European Editor: Ruud Kieboom Photography: Karen Wetherell Production: Ted Compton Printing: Doolittle’s PrintServe The Connection is published by Seventh-day Adventist Kinship International, Inc. Principal office: P.O. Box 4937 5, Sarasota, FL 34230-6375; 866-732-5677. Submissions of letters, articles, pictures, art work, and graphics are welcome. Include your name as you want it published, address and telephone number. If an item is to be acknowledged or returned, please include a self-addressed, stamped envelope. Some Connection contributors have chosen to remain anonymous or use pseudonyms. The Connection reserves the right to edit manuscripts for length, syntax, grammar, and clarity. Submit articles or letters for reconciled. Once and for all. The next waiting begins. There’s to be another six weeks before the Prince of Peace goes home to heaven. The mission of spreading the Gospel becomes established. “AD” has started. And now we wait. “For I reckon that the sufferings we now endure bear no comparison with the glory, as yet unrevealed, which is in store for us. The created universe is waiting with eager expectation for God's children to be revealed... What is more, we also, to whom the Spirit is given as the first fruits of the harvest to come, are groaning inwardly while we look forward eagerly to our adoption, our liberation from mortality… we look forward to it eagerly and with patience” (Romans 8) We cannot imagine the waiting the Jesus underwent, that God undergoes. Our waiting is still bound by our lifestyle, our horizons. But at the same time we publication to the Connection Editor at connectioneditor@ sdakinship.org. The mention or appearance of any names, organizations or photographs in this publication is not meant to imply a fact or statement about sexual orientation or activity. Subscription requests or address changes may be sent to: Subscriptions, P.O. Box 4937 5, Sarasota, FL 34230-6375, or call toll free from inside the U.S. at 866 732-5677 or toll from outside the U.S. at 01-941-371-7606, or email [email protected]. The Kinship mailing list is confidential and used only by Kinship officers. The mailing list is not sold, rented, or exchanged for any purpose. © 2005 Connection. All rights reserved. Reproduction in whole or in part without permission is prohibited. OPINIONS EXPRESSED HEREIN ARE NOT NECESSARILY THOSE OF SDA KINSHIP INTERNATIONAL. Member of the Gay and Lesbian Press Association. must look up and anticipate being part of eternity. We need to remember the words of Jesus: “I will come again”. We know the Signs: wars, earthquakes, famines, pestilence, disaster, fear, love of many growing cold… Our waiting must be dedicated waiting. Committed waiting. Eager anticipation. Our prayer should always be: “Even so, come Lord Jesus.” How is our eagerness, our thrill, our excitement ? Can we honestly say “I can’t wait”. This Jesus, who waited to come to planet earth, who waited to die, who waited to rise again; this Jesus, whose crucifixion and resurrection we remembered again at Easter a few days ago, is waiting for us, and is waiting for us to tell others about Him. It should be that we can’t help but talk about Him. When the earth shook at His resurrection, how was it for you? [email protected] ! 15 “Our influence upon others depends not so much upon what we say as upon what we are. Men may combat and defy our logic, they may resist our appeals; but a life of disinterested love is an argument they cannot gainsay.” Ellen G. White 16
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